I wrote another one of my "Top 10" lists last month and it was published in 2 different (but local) places.

Before I post them here I'd like to just say that this list is pure foolishness and any resemblance to me and my family is entirely coincidental. For example:

My dad does not wear a toupee....but has been known to spray paint a new hairline for some kind of dare or (non)talent night at his church....can't remember exactly which.

If any of my aunt's do have a mustache....well, that is just a freak coincidence that happens to be mentioned in this article.

And the gift I gave to my sister was not a "re-gifted" one.

Having said that....here's the list....

THE TOP 10 THINGS YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO SAY TO YOUR KIDS BEFORE CHRISTMAS DINNER AT GRANDMAS.....BUT YOU REALLY DO....

1. do not dare your cousins to lick the metal railing on the front porch.
2. do not ask Aunt "***..." why she has a mustache
3. do not use the cranberry sauce to finger paint anything.
4. do not tell grandma that she smells funny or that mommy said her house smells like mothballs
5. do not spit on your sister, even if she says she doesn't care
6. do not experiment with any of grandma's ornaments to see if they can float in the toilet.
7. do not have a contest with your cousins to see who can be the first to snatch grandpa's toupee
8. do not tell aunt megan that her gift was a present that mommy received but didn't like
9. do not ask grandma if she kept her receipts.
10. IF UNCLE SHAWN SAYS "PULL MY FINGER", DON'T DO IT.

As happens every year, I have a couple more to add to the list. they are:


Do not ask ANYONE if they have a baby in their tummy

and

if you receive a gift that you already have....don't say "that's okay...I'll just sell it on ebay"